Who's Complaining?

There was another segment on the evening news last week about the minister who started the complaint free movement in his town. The idea seems to be catching on and lots of people are wearing the bracelets to remind them not to complain. I'm still working on it, but I've yet to go a whole 21 days without a single complaint. It was exactly 21 days ago that I started the experiment myself. But it took the minister over 3 months to be able to do it himself, so I don't feel so bad that I can't seem to go a day without a complaint. Actually, I've probably made it at least a couple of days at a time. It's just that those old habits tend to creep in again and I find myself saying something I shouldn't.

One reason I had trouble this week is because my sister came for an overnight visit to my family--she lives a few states away--and she saw all my other sisters and our mother but not me. One of my sisters had a dinner gathering at her house on Saturday night and did not extend the invitation to me and my husband and kids. We live 6 miles from her house. My out of state sister called me last night after she got back home to apologize for not seeing me, but Eileen (who organized the get together) refused to have us over because there weren't enough chairs. I started to think, "what a bitch." But I didn't say it. It's not the first time she's done something like that. And certainly not the first time someone has used those words to describe her. It's her problem not mine. Though I certainly would have liked to have been included, I refuse to be filled with bitterness and resentment. My husband said we should not invite her to our daughter's birthday party this summer and at first I agreed, but I decided to rise above it. I don't appreciate being excluded and wouldn't do that to someone else even after they did it to me. There is no need for revenge. I forgive my sister even though she hasn't apologized (and probably won't.) She is who she is and I can't change her. I actually feel sorry for her because she puts things such as having enough chairs ahead of family. And I'm not going to second guess her reasons for doing what she does. I don't know what it's like to be her. Another thing for me to be grateful for. So I with-hold judgment--which is a major step for me. Like anything though, once you do it a few times, it gets easier. Eventually, it becomes second nature.

In that news segment they also interviewed a psychotherapist who disagreed with the whole idea of not complaining because some people need to vent. I used to think I did too but I recently read that "venting" only reinforces those negative feelings. And I agree. Otherwise, why wouldn't people get better after a few talk therapy sessions instead of going for years with little or no results in many cases. Imagine if you brought your car in for an engine problem and the mechanic told you that it would take years to fix it. Now I'm not comparing the human brain to a car engine, but it shouldn't take so long to fix problems of any kind. That's why I'm such a big fan of EFT and TAT because they're brief and effective and can be learned by anyone as self-help tools. And I can credit them both for helping me deal with past family resentments and to successfully move on from pain to gain--so to speak.

So, I will try again to go a whole 3 weeks without complaining. It's becoming a habit to stop myself in mid-complaint, so I know I'm well on my way.

Until next time, be prepared for success.